Link to the podcast: click HERE
This podcast really resonated with me—maybe it will for you too—give it a listen.
I just read an article titled, “14 Traits Energy Vampires Find Most Attractive: Is Your Personality Making You a Magnet?” Well damn if I don’t have nearly every damn trait. Do these characteristics apply to you? To name just a few: Conscientiousness; loyalty; a capacity to form deep bonds; relationship investment (you give great spiritual, emotional, physical investment to your relationships); hyper-empathy (you feel deeply); high achieving; highly motivated; a degree of naïveté (you always opt to see the good in others—sometimes excusing the behavior of others or trying to intellectually rationalize their behavior). These are just a few of the traits that are typically strengths but that can also make us more vulnerable to energy vampires.
In her new book, Northup identifies two groups of people—empaths and energy vampires—and explores the relationship dynamic between the two. What is empathy? Empathy is a deep connecting with other people. Northrup describes empaths as highly sensitive and caring people. They seek out the best in others and always look for ways to help. Their downfall, says Northup, is that their desire to nurture others makes them ideal targets for energy vampires—who tend to be charismatic, manipulative, and narcissistic. If you identify as an empath and keep attracting certain “types”, this could explain why.
To listen to a great podcast on being an Empath and how to turn your sensitivities into superpowers, then click HERE
Fully 20 percent of all people (male and female) have vampire characteristics or are full-blown in the Cluster B Personality Disorder category. That’s one in five people! And, each one of them affects five people. So, with nearly 60 million people directly or indirectly affected by energy vampires, it is likely that you are in a relationship with one or know someone who is – especially if you are an empath or highly sensitive person. “There’s no chemical imbalance in the brain or anything like that,” she adds. But individuals either lack or have a somewhat misguided conscience or moral compass, she says.
Take inventory of your relationships. The people you spend time with should fill you up, not drain you. If you know someone who sucks your energy just by virtue of their presence, beware. You could be dealing with an energy vampire. Energy vampires often have little to no conscience or consideration for others – which means you’ll never get the reciprocation that comprises the foundation of other healthy relationships. There’s no balance or reciprocity—for example, the conversation will always be centered around them...they may always seem to be one upping you...you can spend hours on the phone with them or spend time out with them and they’ll never ask how YOU are doing...in conversations, they aren’t great listeners and rarely ask follow-up questions to what you’re saying or inquire about how you feel...conversations will predominantly revolve around them...it’s a very self-centered, self-serving dynamic—you are interested in investing and building the relationship but they are not because they mostly are interested in using others for their own means with little to no regard for the other person. The “relationship” on their end is about what they can get from you or out of you to benefit them.
As empaths, we see the best in people. Because of that, we often ignore red flags or look at toxic relationships as fixer upper projects. But here’s the thing: We can’t change people. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t learn and grow in our relationships—that’s one of the best parts! But, trying to force change on an unwilling party rarely works, and it often just leaves us drained.
Don’t get me wrong...
Be compassionate. We all have days, weeks, months (years even) when we need to lean on other people, and that doesn’t make any of us energy vampires. Take care of the people you love and they’ll do the same for you!
But take inventory and learn to recognize toxic traits and patterns of behavior—realize that your health and energy levels are at stake in any relationship, and you need to learn how to mitigate the effects of toxic ones on your personal life.
Think of any names that came to mind as you read the first part of this blog. That’s a good way to start identifying the energy vampires in your life. Protect your energy.
What next? Check out this book The Empath’s Survival Guide by Dr. Judith Orloff.